Going for it all

Pool (billiards) has been a very big part of my life for many years.  My early pool experience began when I was about 5 years old and my bio-dad used to play the circuit in and around the San Francisco area and Las Vegas.  For a few years in my early childhood, we had a pool table that I loved to play on, up until my bio-dad got too serious with us on how exactly we should be playing, mind you, I could barely reach the top of the table, let along aim/angle a shot, but still, the fun times ended fairly quick.  At some point in my youth, I stopped playing altogether when missing a shot meant being grounded and/or sent to my room.

Many years had passed since I picked up a pool stick, but one night while at a local bar with friends for a night of dancing, a friend had wanted to play a game of pool during the break in music, and of course, that was the beginning of a new found love.  After a few sets, she talked me into joining her team for the next session.  Although it was supposed to be on a "sub only" basis, that didn't last too long and before I knew it, I had graduated to Captain duties of 2 teams, one ladies team and one co-ed.  

Fast forward to current day, I participate in 4 different leagues, of which I am Captain of 3 of those teams.  Perhaps losing my mother pushed me further into the pool scene, as I see it, right now it helps me to focus on something other than the complete devastation going on in my heart.

Being a part of various leagues is not the only action I get, there are also a lot of charity and/or fundraising tournaments that I participate in on a regular basis.  If any of the teams I am on are lucky enough to win in our division, then we get to play in the big tournaments such as Championships and Nationals.  The last two years have been in our favor as we were lucky enough to compete in Nationals for the 2022 year and now, the 2023 year.  :)

Unfortunately the Nationals for the 2022 year was more of a blur for me than anything else.  Mother was supposed to stay with me at Westgate for the duration of the tournament, unfortunately that was not to happen.  Mother passed away on Aug 7, our scheduled tournament was Aug 9... to say the least, the only reason I went was because mom would have wanted me to.  As this years tournament is within the same week as last year, I will be there and try my best to focus so that the team gets the win.

My World Stopped

 

I had just returned from an extended trip due to a family emergency out of state.  Due to all the traveling, my suitcase remained untouched, groceries were not a second thought, my only focus was getting back to work and reestablishing my weekly routine of dinner with the parentals every other day.

August 1, 2022 the morning started off as usual.  Got the morning call from mom, she was trying to fax a form and wanted to know if my printer was also a fax machine.. which was a "no".  I had responded with the possibility of scanning the form in on hers and emailing the document to whomever needed it, and went about my day.  I figured if mom had an issue doing that, she would let me know and I would get it done for her the following day as it was our usual dinner schedule.  

2 Steps back = 1 Step forward

 

Life has a way of reminding us of the importance of those around you.  Whether that be in terms of co-workers, friends, family, acquaintances, etc.  Although in most cases, albeit completely unintentional, the potential for not recognizing their importance or the reality of them being present in our lives takes a backseat to the chaos we live on a daily basis. Most of us are just trying to survive in this mostly unforgiving world, or moment in time we call "Life".

For most, including myself, it is the death of a very prominent person in your life that sets your course in life in a new direction.  Sometimes you don't even realize that you are moving on from such a heartbreaking loss until you find yourself facing their 1st birthday without them or the anniversary of their death, or even just what became a routine morning call through the years.  Any little moment that seemed second nature has now become a highly missed and now cherished memory.

So when you find yourself thinking back in time and find that smallest moment in which you are able to smile thinking of how happy you were at that exact moment in time, know that for every time you feel like you haven't progressed in your grief and sorrow, to be able to allow yourself to relive a great memory is taking that next step in healing, in moving forward in your life.

Give yourself a break, you are doing just fine.